The Davinci Cock

Today this from the inbox of Claggy – “Enjoy these pastel tints! And the mysterious bold ‘A’! What can it all mean? Perhaps spam is just one giant code for us to crack?”

Hei,

V

GI

A

G

R

A

See how the mysterious bold ‘A’ draws your eye in.  Look beyond the pastel shades and find… a link to the saviour of your frustrations!

Maybe they should turn it into a competition?  Crack the code, win crack for your cock!

Penis 2.0

Today I’ve been invited to “Update your penis”, which got me to thinking…

If there really was some miracle pill or pump device which could revolutionize my dick what would Penis 2.0 really look like?

Penis 2.0 would include:

• greater flexibility
• 2 eyes for glorious 3D!
• viagra on demand
• removable layers for switching religions
• built in RSS feed so that subscribers can know when you are horny
• user login prevent unwanted access in times of drunken status
• downloadable updates (watch out for viruses though)

Return to the past!

This surprisingly well crafted image snuck into my inbox today direct from the talented palette of little Bette Wiechman who has prescribed me to “Make love to your woman 2-3 times a day”.

This wartime style art harks back to a time when messages were obvious, signals were clear and a man knew that the only instruction he had to follow was not to fire off his bulging weapon too soon for fear of return fire landing all over his face.

Ironically Spam was the staple diet for the majority of Americans during the second world war as it wasn’t rationed, exactly the time when you may have seen an ad like this… but probably for something more like boot polish instead of cock pills.

God bless you Bette Wiechman for your raunchy retro rocket rudeness!

 

 

Much ado about herbal express

Today Mohammed-Vakker writes:

• Elongate the trouser snake into the monster python you’ve always deserved.

Thanks Mohammed, if nothing else you’ve given me a great idea for some characters in a medieval horror, sex romp.  Imagine the poster with me if you will…

“Elongate the Trouser Snake and Monster Python in ‘Carnival of The Forked Tongue’ – see it in glorious VHS!”

Mohammed you sure brought the mountain to my trousers.

Screw the NHS!

Today little Gerhard Carroll has kindly sent me an eye test!

Thanks Gerhard I needed that test, although I’m not sure that I passed as all I could make out in the bleary haze was something about you preaching “yesterday’s shit”????

Try harder.  F-