Posts Tagged 'spam'



Bill of Rights

nigerian spam

Today’s image comes courtesy of Jessica Hagy of the Indexed blog.  It maketh Spamtinny chortle.

Those Nigerians have been pretty quiet of late, Spamtinny often finds himself wondering just what happened to all his Nigerian “friends”?

Thanks to Claggy for passing this on to me.

Spam by Numbers

Little Gracie Corley has sent us the equivalent of a game of spam sudoku.  She writes:

wA4V1544023357526242848878749287522455196755056595514092387

79635098598374900449290290496970270838979810924615033729518

87034747183397177604235827554269464664785242175789566075068

0933446714153725005937071298928574629439154188423CMZLS60544

46979944921592622186051629495092736021585506220248899452080

35178493113901295103419936382645649238014584735683027912579

00669947815972885893977253313019783068617375290545772151757

17629959138534746371131233538858170567392674323590511490245

34423975635600425494018806540785585Zl0418200258269081500177

4126477044746707393387411283175285Ge

Wow, Gracie you sure have excelled yourself today.  Is it a record attempt at the longest prime number ever formed by the human hand?  Or maybe the simple beginnings of an equation for creating the perfect latte?  Who knows but the image you sent through depicting the results is priceless…

 

Now I get it, it’s actually a formula for growing women from the hairiest parts of the male body.  In this instance one from the armpit and one from each nipple.

My recommendation to you young man is to get those giggling tumorous whores surgically removed before you are arrested for polygamy.  You may be smug now but when those folic-ally formed bints strip you of everything you own you will wish you had drowned in your own sea of tempestuous love.

 

Best wishes,

Engelbert McWhirter

 

(Today’s spam supplied direct from the mailbox of friend to The Spam Tin, zondervanemo)

Trouble in the Bank.

Today little Nathan West writes:

  • Dear NatWest Bank customer, We have implemented security measures consistent with our internal information security practices to help us keep your information secure. These measures include technical and procedural steps to protect your data from misuse, access or disclosure, loss, alteration or destruction.
Dear Nathan West, I generally keep most of my data secure under a plant pot on my patio.  Thus far it has been pretty successful apart from the time a slug forced entry and ate a portion on my credit card statement and then sicked it up again all over my passport.  Needless to say it was ruined.
  • One of these security measures is NOF to help us to keep your personal and banking data up to date.
Pardon my ignorance but what is this NOF you speak of?  Applying abbreviations to security measures is not big or clever and often spells trouble… not that NOF spells trouble, at least I don’t think it does.  Hang on, the best security measure I can think of involves a nasty niff not a NOF! Smells can keep even most prying eyes away.  
Is a NOF a Nominally Obscene Fart perchance?
  • You should complete a NOF on a regular basis.
I just did and if I was you I’d give it a minute before coming in here.
  • Please complete NOF using the link below:

(link removed for the safety of our readers)

Now Nathan, I visited your site and this NOF you so proudly speak of was nowhere to be seen, there was however a very strong smell of yesterday’s shit which I can only assume your big, fat NOF left behind as he legged it with my bank account details.

Love,

Norman Oliver Fahlegm 

The Spam Tin overflows in double bill calamity!

Today in The Spam Tin we have a 2-up special! Both Francois Veillon and Luisa Vangelder felt they really must tell me about the same hot offer.

It’s a super special day too in that the cheeky little winkle-pickers both sent me a lovely image featuring their proposition:

 

Tut, tut Luisa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Francois, you naughty sprite!

Dear Francois and Luisa,

I fear you have both copied your work from some other unsuspecting spammer and passed it onto me as your own. As creativity goes it is the sloppiest work I’ve seen within the many hundreds of emails I’ve recieved, erm…today.

It’s not really an investment opportunity, more of an opportunity to spot the difference.

If you continue along this track I shall be forced to use my cane and beat seven shades of yesterday’s shit out of you.

Stern regards,

Justin Limbershake

Much ado about herbal express

Today Mohammed-Vakker writes:

  • Elongate the trouser snake into the monster python you’ve always deserved.
Thanks Mohammed, if nothing else you’ve given me a great idea for some characters in a medieval horror, sex romp.  Imagine the poster with me if you will…
“Elongate the Trouser Snake and Monster Python in ‘Carnival of The Forked Tongue’ – see it in glorious VHS!”
Mohammed you sure brought the mountain to my trousers.

Screw the NHS!

Today little Gerhard Carroll has kindly sent me an eye test!

Thanks Gerhard I needed that test, although I’m not sure that I passed as all I could make out in the bleary haze was something about you preaching “yesterday’s shit”????

Try harder.  F-

Atlantic City Spam

Today casino lovin’ Madge Light otherwise known as “Lady Flaps” kindly informs us:

  • I have the Loosest Slots in the Midwest! 
Is it just me or was there an echo in that sentence?