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The Davinci Cock

Today this from the inbox of Claggy – Enjoy these pastel tints! And the mysterious bold ‘A’! What can it all mean? Perhaps spam is just one giant code for us to crack?”

Hei,


V GI A G R A

See how the mysterious bold A’ draws your eye in.  Look beyond the pastel shades and find… a link to the saviour of your frustrations!

Maybe they should turn it into a competition?  Crack the code, win crack for your cock!

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Penis 2.0

penis 2.0

Today I’ve been invited to “Update your penis”, which got me to thinking…

If there really was some miracle pill or pump device which could revolutionize my dick what would Penis 2.0 really look like?

Penis 2.0 would include:

  • greater flexibility
  • 2 eyes for glorious 3D!
  • viagra on demand
  • removable layers for switching religions
  • built in RSS feed so that subscribers can know when you are horny
  • user login prevent unwanted access in times of drunken status
  • downloadable updates (watch out for viruses though)

Songs in the key of Spam

Have you ever read the subject line of a spam mail and felt the need to burst into song?  These artists have and as a result they have published their musings on a CD.  Check out “Outside the Inbox” and get down with songs such as “Do You Measure Up” and “Erik, Someone Wants to Date You”

It’s truly inspired.

Caribbean Job Offer!

Mr Frank Micro writes:

  • My name is Mr. Frank Micro, I am the manager of an antique and fabric company here in the United Kingdom My company’s name is CJS Antiques Ltd. I am contacting you because we are in need of Payment Representative in the United States/Canada, Jamaica . So I would like to offer you a part time job as our payment Representative. 
[apply heavy Jamaican accent here] “Wow dat is bahrilliant news mon, why down’t we seal da deal wit some heavy rum?”
“Dis job, wha’s shakin’?”

  • Your Role as a Payment Rep: 
“I ‘as been a reppin’ sin I was a babba, if ya know’s what I is a sayin’.  P Diddy is a quakin’ each time he is a ‘earing me beats”.
  • 1. Receive payment from Clients 
“Yea, yea, stick the cash in me sak n chill”.
  • 2. Deposit Payments in your account at your Bank 
“I don’t ave one of dose bank tings, I just preferrin’ to build up me credit down de crab shack and get me some laundered stuff or a meaty snack.  Yo dig?”
  • 3. After 24 hours in which funds have cleared into your account, proceed to your bank for withdrawal of funds 
“Time is much slower ‘ere in Jamaica mon, you gotta chill wit da breze.  Minitz become hours and hours become dayz. Ya turn around too fast you get alllll spinny”.

  • 3. Deduct 10% percent which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed. 
“10% suck a little.  I think some negotiation is a needed…. I’l take 5.”
  • 4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the Offices you will be contacted to send payment to (Payment is to be Forwarded either By MoneyGram / Western Union Money Transfer)
“Money tends to move over ‘ere on de island by Lil’ Bill.  Takes a while on ‘is bike, but he only buys tree ice screams along de way from de money for his cut, so he is cool”.

  • If you are interested in our offer, and would like to work for our company kindly send an email with the requested details below: 
“Allriight letz talk.”
  • Full Name: 
“Syd Snape”

  • Residential Mailing Address: 
“3rd hut under de cliff, Pidgeon Beach, South Jamaica”

  • Home Tel: 
“I don’t know where Tel lives, ‘e just kina moves around ja know.”
  • Cell: 
“I ‘aint goin’ back der mon!”

  • Sex: 
“If Johanna is a passin’ maybe…”

  • Age: 
“She’s a young 62”

  • Present Occupation 
“You said I is a payment rep???”
  • NOTE: Providing your details confirms that you are ready to work for my company and fully understands your duties for the company as a payment representative.
“I is ready amigo, I just need anudder 10 minz under dis mango tree”


Human Friendly

Spam-buddy Zondervanamo writes:

Dear Spam Tin
 
I find the below reassuring – usually these med shops only cater for farm animals and plant life.
 
Regards, Z

Quality, pure medication goods! 100 % human friendly. http://www.spikemyspike.com/

(web address modified to protect the not so innocent)

Return to the past!

This surprisingly well crafted image snuck into my inbox today direct from the talented palette of little Bette Wiechman who has prescribed me to “Make love to your woman 2-3 times a day”.

This wartime style art harks back to a time when messages were obvious, signals were clear and a man knew that the only instruction he had to follow was not to fire off his bulging weapon too soon for fear of return fire landing all over his face.

Ironically Spam was the staple diet for the majority of Americans during the second world war as it wasn’t rationed, exactly the time when you may have seen an ad like this… but probably for something more like boot polish instead of cock pills.

God bless you Bette Wiechman for your raunchy retro rocket rudeness!

 

wartime spam

 

Bill of Rights

nigerian spam

Today’s image comes courtesy of Jessica Hagy of the Indexed blog.  It maketh Spamtinny chortle.

Those Nigerians have been pretty quiet of late, Spamtinny often finds himself wondering just what happened to all his Nigerian “friends”?

Thanks to Claggy for passing this on to me.