650.000.000 reasons not to…

Today Zondervanamo is a little bit richer and has shared his winnings with The Spam Tin.

  • Greetings!
Erm, hello.
  • I have been waiting for you to contact me eversince for your Certified Bank Draft of 650.000.00 USD that you won from the Online Draw, but I did not hear from you.

Alas I was a little confused by the number of decimal places in the figure quoted and neglected to respond.  I don’t get out of bed for less than a 1000.000.000 you see. Plus being a cockney means I only understand slang terms like “monkey” and “pony”.

  • Then I went and deposited the Draft with FEDEX COURIER SERVICE, West Africa. I am out of the country for the past four weeks on a 4 month course and i will not be back till end of September.
WHAT!  How could you?  These people are sharks I tell you, before you know it they’ll have moved those decimal points up a couple of places.  I am truly dishonoured by your flippant way with the ponies.
  • What you have to do now, is to contact FEDEX COURIER as soon as possible to enable them deliver your package to you because of the expiring date.For your information.

I called the number you gave me and I spoke with a man called Fred Ex and he was most helpful.  He explained that there are around 650 ponies and 8 monkeys in the package. 

  •  I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country.

Yes but Fred Ex told me that your “first class” stamp didn’t cover it, I now need to bring in a specialist heavy haulage company with compartments big enough to separate the monkeys and the ponies.

  • The only money you will send to the FEDEX COURIER to deliver your Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is (320.00USD). Again, don’t be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except 320.00USD.

Do you mean a “dolphin”?  This is just getting out of hand, Fred Ex has been seriously injured when trying to stop a monkey from scratching his eyes out he fell over, got trampled by a pony and kicked into a water tank full of dolphins.

He is in a bad state and I fear we will be hearing from his lawyers.

Next time don’t bother contacting me for anything less than a manatee.

 

Regards,

Don Ping.

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