Much ado about herbal express

Today Mohammed-Vakker writes:

• Elongate the trouser snake into the monster python you’ve always deserved.

Thanks Mohammed, if nothing else you’ve given me a great idea for some characters in a medieval horror, sex romp.  Imagine the poster with me if you will…

“Elongate the Trouser Snake and Monster Python in ‘Carnival of The Forked Tongue’ – see it in glorious VHS!”

Mohammed you sure brought the mountain to my trousers.

Lovely Spam

It’s not all bad news and humour from a simpleton here at The Spam Tin.  Sometimes I’d really like to show spam being used positively.

Lovely Spam uses the spam collected in the developers inbox and turns it into a constantly evolving piece of art.

Enjoy.

Screw the NHS!

Today little Gerhard Carroll has kindly sent me an eye test!

Thanks Gerhard I needed that test, although I’m not sure that I passed as all I could make out in the bleary haze was something about you preaching “yesterday’s shit”????

Try harder.  F-

Atlantic City Spam

Today casino lovin’ Madge Light otherwise known as “Lady Flaps” kindly informs us:

• I have the Loosest Slots in the Midwest! 

Is it just me or was there an echo in that sentence?

Blog Spam

The beauty of having a spam blog is that I receive lots of blog spam (actually that’s true of any blog). This little number is from everyone’s friend Phil Vance.  He writes:

• tripewoman sander fissate spaning pancratically witchen hockday smectis
  
• Crwth
  
• http://www.buttonwoodwinery.com/

What does it all mean?  I really don’t know but a tripewoman does sound appealing.

Actually the only “proper” words in the above sentence are sander and hockday (unless you count “spaning” which is Swedish for “reconnaissance”).  So all the remaining words were hand crafted in order to get past the filters.  I do have to admit though I’m a big fan of the all-new word “pancratically”.

 Interestingly a “hockday” is an ancient form of English holiday, see this definition taken from dictionary.com;

A holiday commemorating the expulsion of the Danes, formerly observed on the second Tuesday after Easter; — called also hocktide.

I don’t know how these spammers get past the filters but they sure know their medieval history.

Good on you Phil Vance!

Spam Optimisation

In today’s episode little Monu Pathak explains how he can make me more visible.  Apparently he also sees dead people.

SEO SERVICES

Dear Sir/Madam,

Is your Site Optimized with the Google latest methodology called LSI to Rank High???

I’m not too sure but I did see an episode of CSI last week in which Grisham got promoted.

Does your Site Rank Low???

Yes, it’s really hanging.

Do you have less traffic on your site???

Who is this Les Traffic?  Is he a menace?

Our Steps and the Activities will Rank You Smart

Yes please, rank me good.  Are you oriental perchance?

Please Note: This mail is not a spam and is being sent by an Individual. If you don’t intend to accept it, kindly revert back and we will remove you from the list for no further communication.

Define spam for me please.  Did I ask for you to send me this?  

If yes then continue else goto hell.

 

Kind regards,

 

Wally Wick

Super Skinny Spamtinny!

A quickie today that comes from little Deja, who writes:

• I lost weight so fast with PHENTERMINE. This stuff really works, and helps you through hunger. Now I can look like Nicole Richie. http://www.leinussri.com/

Dear Deja,

Thank you for your offer and I appreciate your concern but… Nicole Richie?  Who the hell wants to look like that scrawny, malnutritioned bitch?

Kindest regards,

Lonnie Lard