Today Zondervanamo is a little bit richer and has shared his winnings with The Spam Tin.

• Greetings!

• I have been waiting for you to contact me eversince for your Certified Bank Draft of 650.000.00 USD that you won from the Online Draw, but I did not hear from you.

Alas I was a little confused by the number of decimal places in the figure quoted and neglected to respond.  I don’t get out of bed for less than a 1000.000.000 you see. Plus being a cockney means I only understand slang terms like “monkey” and “pony”.

• Then I went and deposited the Draft with FEDEX COURIER SERVICE, West Africa. I am out of the country for the past four weeks on a 4 month course and i will not be back till end of September.

• What you have to do now, is to contact FEDEX COURIER as soon as possible to enable them deliver your package to you because of the expiring date.For your information.

I called the number you gave me and I spoke with a man called Fred Ex and he was most helpful.  He explained that there are around 650 ponies and 8 monkeys in the package. 

•  I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country.

Yes but Fred Ex told me that your “first class” stamp didn’t cover it, I now need to bring in a specialist heavy haulage company with compartments big enough to separate the monkeys and the ponies.

• The only money you will send to the FEDEX COURIER to deliver your Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is (320.00USD). Again, don’t be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except 320.00USD.

Do you mean a “dolphin”?  This is just getting out of hand, Fred Ex has been seriously injured when trying to stop a monkey from scratching his eyes out he fell over, got trampled by a pony and kicked into a water tank full of dolphins.

He is in a bad state and I fear we will be hearing from his lawyers.

Next time don’t bother contacting me for anything less than a manatee.

Regards,

Don Ping.

Today this from the inbox of Claggy - “Enjoy these pastel tints! And the mysterious bold ‘A’! What can it all mean? Perhaps spam is just one giant code for us to crack?”

Hei,

V

GI

A

G

R

A

See how the mysterious bold ‘A’ draws your eye in.  Look beyond the pastel shades and find… a link to the saviour of your frustrations!

Maybe they should turn it into a competition?  Crack the code, win crack for your cock!

Today I’ve been invited to “Update your penis”, which got me to thinking…

If there really was some miracle pill or pump device which could revolutionize my dick what would Penis 2.0 really look like?

Penis 2.0 would include:

• greater flexibility
• 2 eyes for glorious 3D!
• viagra on demand
• removable layers for switching religions
• built in RSS feed so that subscribers can know when you are horny
• user login prevent unwanted access in times of drunken status
• downloadable updates (watch out for viruses though)

Have you ever read the subject line of a spam mail and felt the need to burst into song?  These artists have and as a result they have published their musings on a CD.  Check out “Outside the Inbox” and get down with songs such as “Do You Measure Up” and “Erik, Someone Wants to Date You”

It’s truly inspired.

Mr Frank Micro writes:

• My name is Mr. Frank Micro, I am the manager of an antique and fabric company here in the United Kingdom My company’s name is CJS Antiques Ltd. I am contacting you because we are in need of Payment Representative in the United States/Canada, Jamaica . So I would like to offer you a part time job as our payment Representative. 

• Your Role as a Payment Rep: 

• 1. Receive payment from Clients 

• 2. Deposit Payments in your account at your Bank 

• 3. After 24 hours in which funds have cleared into your account, proceed to your bank for withdrawal of funds 

• 3. Deduct 10% percent which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed. 

• 4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the Offices you will be contacted to send payment to (Payment is to be Forwarded either By MoneyGram / Western Union Money Transfer). 

Spam-buddy Zondervanamo writes:

This surprisingly well crafted image snuck into my inbox today direct from the talented palette of little Bette Wiechman who has prescribed me to “Make love to your woman 2-3 times a day”.

This wartime style art harks back to a time when messages were obvious, signals were clear and a man knew that the only instruction he had to follow was not to fire off his bulging weapon too soon for fear of return fire landing all over his face.

Ironically Spam was the staple diet for the majority of Americans during the second world war as it wasn’t rationed, exactly the time when you may have seen an ad like this… but probably for something more like boot polish instead of cock pills.

God bless you Bette Wiechman for your raunchy retro rocket rudeness!

Today’s image comes courtesy of Jessica Hagy of the Indexed blog.  It maketh Spamtinny chortle.

Those Nigerians have been pretty quiet of late, Spamtinny often finds himself wondering just what happened to all his Nigerian “friends”?

Thanks to Claggy for passing this on to me.

Today The Spam Tin brings you more artistic goodness coming from the within the tinned universe of the spam.

Fresh Spam is a blog created by Kipling West, an artist who loves to take a spam message and turn it into an inspired illustration.

Not only is this idea unique and should be championed, I’m assuming Kipling, like myself finds spam as an amazing inspiration for her own form of art.

Surely there must be some future coming together for the Spam blogs?  Keep it tuned to The Tin.

Zondervanamo writes:

In looking at one of the images on your site I moused over and saw a bunch
of links courtesy of “SnapShots”

One of the links said “Dead People” - following the link I was presented
with this advert, extraordinary.

It’s good to know I can find value if ever i need such a product,

Sincerely,

Z

For the curious out there here is a snapshot of the snapshot spamming live!  Thanks Z. for your thoroughness.